Our Alum

This gorgeous girl graduated from Southeast Missouri State this weekend. Cum Laude. She's amazing. It was a surreal experience for me. My baby girl. She told me I was being sappy most of the weekend but honestly, what mamma wouldn't be? I'm so proud of what's she accomplished. The six hour distance from home certainly didn't make it easy for her to lean on us. She has grown more independent and strong but her heart is big and open. She is beautiful inside and out.

I have more pictures to edit but with work and the holidays, I just wanted to post these two.

Decorating the tree

Wednesday night, while Daddy was at a meeting, Nathan, Caleb and I put the ornaments on our Christmas tree (thankfully Carah and Scott put up the tree and put on the lights since that was out of the question for me this year - thanks guys).
This picture seriously captures how things went with our tree trimming.

First, notice the ornament? Rock 'em, sock 'em robots? That perfectly depicts how Nathan and Caleb got along during the event. From the word go, they were fighting over ornaments and where things could go on the tree and who touched each other's stuff or who was looking at the other....on and on and on it went. It got so bad that the Christmas music I had so sweetly playing in the background couldn't even drown out their noise.... Only, and I MEAN only, after I pulled out the scary mommy voice and threatened to tell Daddy (that ALWAYS works) did the bickering stop. :)

Then take a close look at Caleb's mouth. Notice he's talking, right? Well after the bickering stopped, both Caleb and Nathan decided that they hadn't gotten in their recommended daily allowance of words. Instantly, they both turned into chatty cathy dolls on an adrenaline high - talking simultaneously about their day, babbling about nothing, giving commentary on the ornaments...you name it...they talked about it. Me, who LOVES peace and quiet, right in the middle of the mix - smiling, nodding and trying to stay half tuned in with my "mommy hearing" Oh, my aching ears. :)

Silly story aside, this is what tree trimming IS REALLY LIKE at our house. It is not some idealic Christmas card picture but is just US being US. Bickering, talking, complaining and all. In the end, the tree is full of our special ornaments, it looks beautiful and we had lots of fun (and laughs and sighs....) in the process.. That's what Christmas memories are all about. :)


loving the cheesy smile and that's his FAVORITE new ornament - The Nightmare Before Christmas

Laying low

That's what our month of November consisted of. Alot of laying low.

After 3 surgeries for me and a 4 day hospital stay, laying low was about all I was capable of. And my poor 3 boys all found themselves sick...sick...sick.

When dealt cards like these, laying low is just what's needed.

Hopefully, we'll be seeing more daylight in the month of December. :)

The pumpkin patch - take 2

Last Saturday, since Carah was home, we visited the Kuiper pumpkin patch again. (It's becoming a Sissy/boys tradition.)

Unlike our first visit this Fall season, that was full of sunshine and warmth, we were greeted with cold temps and a sky that looked like this....

It reminds me of something Dorothy would've encountered right before the storm that took her to Oz...
Unfortunately, the dismal weather did not bring out the best in my companions. Faces like this

and this

were what I had to work with.
Luckily, the skies brightened a bit and so did a few attitudes

and we were able to find a big giant pumpkin

and a few little guys

to bring home with us

But sincerely, the best part of all, was visiting the bakery and bringing home a dozen warm apple cider donuts.

Now that made EVERYONE happy! :)

today...

she did this

I took lots of pics from the ground. :)
She is my dare devil, thrill seeker.
It was incredible to get to experience this "first" with her (and I'm sure she'll do it again!) What an adrenaline rush! She was the first out of the plane at 14,000 feet. They free fell for a minute at over 100 miles an hour and she was smiling from ear to ear when her feet touched the ground. I love her sense of adventure!

More pics and a video to come!

Remembering

Today is the National Day of Miscarriage and Infant Loss.

We count ourselves an incredibly blessed family. God's tender mercies and huge provision on our lives is overwhelming. We celebrate the wonder and miracle of parenting four incredibly unique, beautiful, amazing children here on earth.

But, the truth is, we are parents of five. Samuel is our son whose place is right smack in the middle of Nathan and Caleb. We miscarried Samuel eight years ago.

While the heartache is no longer so raw, we still miss him every day. I find myself catching glimpses of Caleb and Nathan playing together and I can picture him in the middle of the mix. Those thoughts make me smile.

We trust and completely accept God's plan for our lives but today, I just want to stop and remember Samuel. I want to say his name out loud. It want to confirm his existence and the huge impact his short earthly life had on mine. I am grateful for the ways in which he changed me and I am looking forward to the day I will hold him in heaven.

I love you Samuel. xoxoxo - Mom

I can always find you here

Every morning, you make your way out to the front porch, often a good 20 minutes before your bus if supposed to come and you set yourself down on the front stoop. Just sitting and thinking. Watching the morning go by. Sometimes you yell out to your friends from Old Post as they pass on their way to school. Sometimes you just sit. Rain or shine. Warm or cold. I can always find you here.

I watch you as you sit. Wanting to be respectful of your space - your silence, but also wanting to make sure I'm available if you need to talk or let your thoughts out. You are an introvert. My thinker. My feeler. Sometimes you are just being peaceful and enjoying the quiet. Other times, I feel your sadness - yearning for old friends - your old school. And other times still, you just seem to be contemplating some big important world problem or a conversation we had that morning.

Sweetheart, I just want you to know that I get your need for space. Room to think and breathe and feel and be. I also want you to know that we are here. You are on the cusp of a whirlwind of growth - emotional and physical. We are here to listen, to guide you and no matter what, to love you.

So for now, be quiet, be still, but always know, you are never alone and you are always adored. But for goodness sakes, button up and put your hat on... :)

Little things matter...

A great life is the sum total of all the worthwhile things you've been doing one by one. —RICHARD BACH


There is so much to do. So much to get done. My head is usually spinning in a million directions. But, a while ago, I promised myself I would try to focus on making sure that in small ways, each of my importants always knows how I feel about them.

So, every few days, I've been slipping a little note in his lunchbox. Today when he came home from school, he told me he had a GREAT day. When I asked why, he said, it was because I left him a surprise note that told him he was special and I loved him and I wished he could fathom how much. He said that note went right into his treasure box.

It does matter. It does. :)

Cloudy

with a Chance of Meatballs.

Hence the umbrella. :)
What a great kid's movie. A really good story that was a perfect blend of imagination, silliness, adventure, relationships and the 3D was awesome.

Jump

It costs $10 to get into the play area of the pumpkin patch

and an extra $2 to jump on the huge orange 'pumpkin pillow'

but if you just take one look at their faces

and see the joy that is written all over it

you would know, it was worth EVERY PENNY!

Masterpieces

I am constantly amazed at how I continue to learn how little I really see or how my expectation or life experiences have shaped what I see and how I judge accordingly.

Aside from foggy mornings or evenings, I can honestly say, I have never SEEN light like this. And the old me would have thought photos shot in light like this were a failure. After all, isn't a great photo one in which everyone is in focus, wearing happy faces with rich, vibrant colors? What about the lens flare and the haze in these shots? Isn't it a mistake?

Well, if it is, then it is a happy, beautiful accident. This is exquisite light. The kind of light that has surrounded me all along but I have not seen, really seen, for all of my life. The softness, the haze. The way it captures my 10 year old, who I was just whining about growing up too fast, and instantly transforms his features in such a sweet softness that I can readily see the remnants of my sweet baby. The creamy skin. The pensive look. The gentle eyes. Those lips.

It's magical to me that at my age, I can continue to see things in a fresh, surprising way. I love the fact that God continues to open my eyes to new things to see and new ways to see them. This world and each one of us in it - masterpieces. His masterpieces.

The joy of window gels and more limbs....

Caleb absolutely adores window gels. ADORES them. So does Carah. Or maybe she just adores them because everytime Caleb is picking out a few for himself, he makes sure to buy some for her too. (It is one of those rare times that he thinks of someone other than himself - so it says alot!)

Good cheap fun these window gels. He spends hours putting them on and taking them off and moving to the next window to begin the process again. It is only when he has ripped them to shreds and it is impossible to figure out any longer what those window gels were meant to be, that he loses interest.


When I was editing this photo, I noticed the LIMBS on this guy too. He looks like he is all arms and legs just like Nathan. Must be something in the water! Sigh!

I just adore the near reflection that you can see of Caleb in these shots and the light, well, it's just magical.

All limbs

AKA - someone is growing up fast

I am taking a photography class on light (which is frying my brain - which is not hard to do) but our first assignment was to completely "blow out" the background and show just light and shadow and texture in our subject. All shot in manual. Huhhhh?!

Well the only cooperative model I currently have around this house is Nathan. He sits and he tries to be so patient while I fuss with him and fuss with my camera and fuss with him some more. (I love that about Nathan.)

This first shot was close to what I was supposed to capture but not quite. But this photo is special to me because when I look at it, all I see (behind big old mamma tears) is LIMBS....lots and lots of pre-adolescent boy limbs....those kind of limbs that undoubtedly mean that a young man is working his way out one long leg at a time. And my heart instantly zooms back to the Overland Park NICU 10 years ago - that teeny baby who looked like Rocky (all beat up and bruised) and fought like Rocky. It makes me gasp and I marvel at the miracle that has grown so big and so strong.

Photos have a way of being a reality check for me.

And because he is the cool kid he is, he sat some more and we were able to get this one which got a thumbs up from my teacher. Thank you Nathan for being so patient. Limbs and all. :)

Don't be fooled

THIS...

IS NOT A SWEET INNOCENT LITTLE BOY ENJOYING A RIDE ON A SWING.
IT IS NOT...

What you are really looking at is the family dictator lecturing me on the proper way to swing two boys at the park at the same time while satisfactorily keeping both of their swings at the right speed and height, at all times.
After all, "Daddy can do it".
Hhmmmph.

AND
just when I've decided I've had ENOUGH of this dictator's reign and pull out Momma Kick A, he pulls out this face....
Hhmmmph.

Perhaps the one in our house with the least amount of control is really ME.....
One certainly wonders... :)

Hello, Fall

If it smells like Fall
And it looks like Fall....

I guess it means that
IT IS FALL!
Even if the temps are in the high 80s. :) sigh..
We took a bike ride Downtown today and I was shocked by amount of trees that were turning and the leaves on the ground. How did this happen?
Not that it's all bad, I LOVE Fall but wow, it's September already.....

We had a good time at the park although Nathan really wasn't feeling too well. He was happy that he was FINALLY able to feed those darned ducks. We've been after them all summer. You can tell they are a bit afraid...makes me wonder who's made them that way. They really were only willing to get just close enough to grab a cracker and then move quickly away.


I just love this shot. This kid has great eyes. I am working really hard to learn to get good shots no matter the lighting. Which means shooting in full manual. Which means a HUGE learning curve for me. Which means my pea sized brain is ready to combust. This was bright mid-day sun. No shadows on his face, no dark eye sockets and nice skin tone. Got lucky :)


Doesn't this look like Nathan trying to impale himself on the spinning thing....Caleb made both of us want to do this very thing just a few times this weekend :) Sigh....that kid......

Just so you know...

"YOU'RE OFF THE LIST!"

That's what he says all the time. Mostly to Daddy and Budgy and friends at school. Luckily for me, I don't hear it often.

I get it, though. Caleb needs power. Caleb needs to be in control. It's a Carter trait that extends back at least three generations... (are you kidding? I'm not taking any ownership of the need for control, tee hee) But, when you are the littlest person in the house and there is so much out of your control, you'll take back a small slice of it, any way you can get it.

For Caleb, preservation of control manifests itself in the form of THE LIST.

We've come to understand that it's some mysterious mental LIST that includes all the names of the people he either approves of or who haven't ticked him off in the last 20 minutes. How do we know? Because anytime you deny him a snack or tell him it's bedtime or insist that he needs to find his "lost" shoes himself or we don't turn on his TV show as quickly as he demands, he squishes up his face and with furrowed brows and a loud voice, declares, "That's it! You're off the LIST!"

Now what really happens when you're off the list? Who knows. None of us have experienced any harmful side effects. And quite frankly, it might be a reprieve from all his demands to be OFF THE LIST. But as this momma's luck would have it, I spend most of my time ON the LIST and the demands continue on..... :)

Well Caleb...we love you anyways...whether or not, at the moment, we are ON or OFF, the list. :)

ETA: tonight I had to give Caleb a haircut. He hates them! Seriously, hates them. So tonight for the first time in a long time... I'm OFF THE LIST. :(

9 pics on 09/09/09

Just saying that makes me feeling lucky...09.09.09 :)

1. We went to the Brookfield Zoo on Saturday. The Dinosaur's Alive exhibit is leaving soon and instead of waiting too long, missing it and then whining about it, we decided to go. This is quite an accomplishment in our books. :)

2. & 3. The exhibit wasn't much but these signs just cracked me up. I need that last sign for my house for sure...boys are stinky :)



4. The Primate House was a big hit for us. Perhaps you might notice a family resemblance?

5. The boys - "Mom! He HIT me! He's looking at me! Stop touching me!"

6. Me - "Oh good lord, how did I get into this!?"

7. And of course, Daddy - "If only I had my comfy brown chair, this'd be PERFECT!" :)


8. & 9. September is a big month for birthdays in our family. On Monday, I decided to be daring and took the boys to Color Me Mine to make a little something special for a special someone. These kinds of trips can either be disasterous or fantastic fun....thankfully, the boys left their alter-ego gorilla brothers at the zoo and this one was fantastic fun :)



I hope you have a happy 09/09/09. Make it memorable. :)