today...

she did this

I took lots of pics from the ground. :)
She is my dare devil, thrill seeker.
It was incredible to get to experience this "first" with her (and I'm sure she'll do it again!) What an adrenaline rush! She was the first out of the plane at 14,000 feet. They free fell for a minute at over 100 miles an hour and she was smiling from ear to ear when her feet touched the ground. I love her sense of adventure!

More pics and a video to come!

Remembering

Today is the National Day of Miscarriage and Infant Loss.

We count ourselves an incredibly blessed family. God's tender mercies and huge provision on our lives is overwhelming. We celebrate the wonder and miracle of parenting four incredibly unique, beautiful, amazing children here on earth.

But, the truth is, we are parents of five. Samuel is our son whose place is right smack in the middle of Nathan and Caleb. We miscarried Samuel eight years ago.

While the heartache is no longer so raw, we still miss him every day. I find myself catching glimpses of Caleb and Nathan playing together and I can picture him in the middle of the mix. Those thoughts make me smile.

We trust and completely accept God's plan for our lives but today, I just want to stop and remember Samuel. I want to say his name out loud. It want to confirm his existence and the huge impact his short earthly life had on mine. I am grateful for the ways in which he changed me and I am looking forward to the day I will hold him in heaven.

I love you Samuel. xoxoxo - Mom

I can always find you here

Every morning, you make your way out to the front porch, often a good 20 minutes before your bus if supposed to come and you set yourself down on the front stoop. Just sitting and thinking. Watching the morning go by. Sometimes you yell out to your friends from Old Post as they pass on their way to school. Sometimes you just sit. Rain or shine. Warm or cold. I can always find you here.

I watch you as you sit. Wanting to be respectful of your space - your silence, but also wanting to make sure I'm available if you need to talk or let your thoughts out. You are an introvert. My thinker. My feeler. Sometimes you are just being peaceful and enjoying the quiet. Other times, I feel your sadness - yearning for old friends - your old school. And other times still, you just seem to be contemplating some big important world problem or a conversation we had that morning.

Sweetheart, I just want you to know that I get your need for space. Room to think and breathe and feel and be. I also want you to know that we are here. You are on the cusp of a whirlwind of growth - emotional and physical. We are here to listen, to guide you and no matter what, to love you.

So for now, be quiet, be still, but always know, you are never alone and you are always adored. But for goodness sakes, button up and put your hat on... :)

Little things matter...

A great life is the sum total of all the worthwhile things you've been doing one by one. —RICHARD BACH


There is so much to do. So much to get done. My head is usually spinning in a million directions. But, a while ago, I promised myself I would try to focus on making sure that in small ways, each of my importants always knows how I feel about them.

So, every few days, I've been slipping a little note in his lunchbox. Today when he came home from school, he told me he had a GREAT day. When I asked why, he said, it was because I left him a surprise note that told him he was special and I loved him and I wished he could fathom how much. He said that note went right into his treasure box.

It does matter. It does. :)

Cloudy

with a Chance of Meatballs.

Hence the umbrella. :)
What a great kid's movie. A really good story that was a perfect blend of imagination, silliness, adventure, relationships and the 3D was awesome.

Jump

It costs $10 to get into the play area of the pumpkin patch

and an extra $2 to jump on the huge orange 'pumpkin pillow'

but if you just take one look at their faces

and see the joy that is written all over it

you would know, it was worth EVERY PENNY!

Masterpieces

I am constantly amazed at how I continue to learn how little I really see or how my expectation or life experiences have shaped what I see and how I judge accordingly.

Aside from foggy mornings or evenings, I can honestly say, I have never SEEN light like this. And the old me would have thought photos shot in light like this were a failure. After all, isn't a great photo one in which everyone is in focus, wearing happy faces with rich, vibrant colors? What about the lens flare and the haze in these shots? Isn't it a mistake?

Well, if it is, then it is a happy, beautiful accident. This is exquisite light. The kind of light that has surrounded me all along but I have not seen, really seen, for all of my life. The softness, the haze. The way it captures my 10 year old, who I was just whining about growing up too fast, and instantly transforms his features in such a sweet softness that I can readily see the remnants of my sweet baby. The creamy skin. The pensive look. The gentle eyes. Those lips.

It's magical to me that at my age, I can continue to see things in a fresh, surprising way. I love the fact that God continues to open my eyes to new things to see and new ways to see them. This world and each one of us in it - masterpieces. His masterpieces.