present and accounted for

One whole hand

2010-01-07T23:06:00.003-06:00

He is one whole hand today. I have alot to say about that but right now it is 11 pm and I am STILL working so I guess it'll wait til tomorrow. That's price the you pay for partying hard with our little boy. But it's all good, it was so worth it.

We adore you big man!!!!!! All 32 pounds 42 inches of you!!!!!

Seeing Santa

2010-01-05T21:45:00.017-06:00

I asked both boys a few weeks before Christmas if they wanted to visit with Santa. Nathan, at almost 11 instantly replied, "nah" and Caleb continuously told me emphatically, "No!". But in true Caleb style, a few days before Christmas, he decided he JUST had to see Santa Claus. Of course! He would change his mind during Santa's busiest time. It figures. A few years ago the same thing happened with Nathan and the day before Christmas we found ourselves (me, Nathan, Carah and a one year old Caleb) waiting in a line that was forever long and took an hour and a half. I figured I'd learned my lesson and I would be smart this time. I had it all worked out. Since the last time we went first thing when the mall opened and the line was crazy long and since it was also bound to be crazy at the end of the work day, we'd just go sometime after lunch when everyone else was working or home napping. Sound logic, right? So Zach, Nathan and I picked up Caleb early from school and headed to the mall. As we got near Santa's workshop, I thought, "Score!!! There's no one in line. This is AWESOME!". As we got closer, I realized there was no one in line because there was no Santa sitting in his chair. In his place was just a sign that said, "Be back in an hour.". Sighhhhhhh.....

Now what? We could walk away and come back in an hour only to find ourselves in an hour and a half line. Or we could stand in line for an hour and be one of the first to see Santa. We opted to stand in line (or at least Zach and I stood in line) and Nathan and Caleb had the best time playing in front of the crazy mirror and posing with the decorations.

Santa came back and my two wild partying boys instantly became calm, reserved and even nervous to sit on Santa's lap. I am seriously surprised that Caleb didn't change his mind at the last minute and decide NOT to talk to Santa. Caleb asked for a telescope and Nathan asked for some Star Wars toys. And because they don't allow cameras near Santa, we have this one shot from their short sit.

When I look at this picture, I love seeing the smiles on both of their faces but what really catches my eye is their hands. They both do that when they are nervous and afraid. Too cute that Santa has that affect on both of them. :)

All in all, Caleb walked away so happy that he got to see Santa and Zach and I were no worse for wear. AND as an added bonus, this is what I saw in my rear view mirror on the way home. One very exhausted but satisfied little boy and that made it all worthwhile. :)

A few more....

2010-01-02T21:14:00.007-06:00

now that all the fun holiday festivities are over, I FINALLY carved out a bit of time to get her graduation pictures edited.

She is lovely even when she makes faces, no? Actually, this shot is a must have. Every time, and I mean, every time I point the camera at her, she sticks out her tongue. I have years of shots of Carah and her tongue. It's fitting that we have a grad pic of her tongue too. :)

Christmas really is a pretty time of year to graduate.

She decorated her cap with "see ya semo". In a sea of 700 grads, I was so grateful that she did. It made her so much easier for me to find.

We are all so proud of her. Caleb was also crazy about her honor cords and her tassle. Nutty boy.

These two are peas in a pod and this is one of my favorite shots of the day. It captures both of them perfectly.

Congratulations Sweet Daughter. We are proud of you and know you have bright things ahead. :)

Our Alum

2009-12-21T09:40:00.006-06:00

This gorgeous girl graduated from Southeast Missouri State this weekend. Cum Laude. She's amazing. It was a surreal experience for me. My baby girl. She told me I was being sappy most of the weekend but honestly, what mamma wouldn't be? I'm so proud of what's she accomplished. The six hour distance from home certainly didn't make it easy for her to lean on us. She has grown more independent and strong but her heart is big and open. She is beautiful inside and out.

I have more pictures to edit but with work and the holidays, I just wanted to post these two.

Decorating the tree

2009-12-03T22:55:00.011-06:00

Wednesday night, while Daddy was at a meeting, Nathan, Caleb and I put the ornaments on our Christmas tree (thankfully Carah and Scott put up the tree and put on the lights since that was out of the question for me this year - thanks guys).
This picture seriously captures how things went with our tree trimming.

First, notice the ornament? Rock 'em, sock 'em robots? That perfectly depicts how Nathan and Caleb got along during the event. From the word go, they were fighting over ornaments and where things could go on the tree and who touched each other's stuff or who was looking at the other....on and on and on it went. It got so bad that the Christmas music I had so sweetly playing in the background couldn't even drown out their noise.... Only, and I MEAN only, after I pulled out the scary mommy voice and threatened to tell Daddy (that ALWAYS works) did the bickering stop. :)

Then take a close look at Caleb's mouth. Notice he's talking, right? Well after the bickering stopped, both Caleb and Nathan decided that they hadn't gotten in their recommended daily allowance of words. Instantly, they both turned into chatty cathy dolls on an adrenaline high - talking simultaneously about their day, babbling about nothing, giving commentary on the ornaments...you name it...they talked about it. Me, who LOVES peace and quiet, right in the middle of the mix - smiling, nodding and trying to stay half tuned in with my "mommy hearing" Oh, my aching ears. :)

Silly story aside, this is what tree trimming IS REALLY LIKE at our house. It is not some idealic Christmas card picture but is just US being US. Bickering, talking, complaining and all. In the end, the tree is full of our special ornaments, it looks beautiful and we had lots of fun (and laughs and sighs....) in the process.. That's what Christmas memories are all about. :)

loving the cheesy smile and that's his FAVORITE new ornament - The Nightmare Before Christmas

Laying low

2009-12-01T21:58:00.003-06:00

That's what our month of November consisted of. Alot of laying low.

After 3 surgeries for me and a 4 day hospital stay, laying low was about all I was capable of. And my poor 3 boys all found themselves sick...sick...sick.

When dealt cards like these, laying low is just what's needed.

Hopefully, we'll be seeing more daylight in the month of December. :)

The pumpkin patch - take 2

2009-10-24T20:21:00.005-05:00

Last Saturday, since Carah was home, we visited the Kuiper pumpkin patch again. (It's becoming a Sissy/boys tradition.)

Unlike our first visit this Fall season, that was full of sunshine and warmth, we were greeted with cold temps and a sky that looked like this....

It reminds me of something Dorothy would've encountered right before the storm that took her to Oz...
Unfortunately, the dismal weather did not bring out the best in my companions. Faces like this

and this

were what I had to work with.
Luckily, the skies brightened a bit and so did a few attitudes

and we were able to find a big giant pumpkin

and a few little guys

to bring home with us

But sincerely, the best part of all, was visiting the bakery and bringing home a dozen warm apple cider donuts.

Now that made EVERYONE happy! :)

today...

2009-10-19T15:36:00.002-05:00

she did this

I took lots of pics from the ground. :)
She is my dare devil, thrill seeker.
It was incredible to get to experience this "first" with her (and I'm sure she'll do it again!) What an adrenaline rush! She was the first out of the plane at 14,000 feet. They free fell for a minute at over 100 miles an hour and she was smiling from ear to ear when her feet touched the ground. I love her sense of adventure!

More pics and a video to come!

Remembering

2009-10-15T14:13:00.005-05:00

Today is the National Day of Miscarriage and Infant Loss.

We count ourselves an incredibly blessed family. God's tender mercies and huge provision on our lives is overwhelming. We celebrate the wonder and miracle of parenting four incredibly unique, beautiful, amazing children here on earth.

But, the truth is, we are parents of five. Samuel is our son whose place is right smack in the middle of Nathan and Caleb. We miscarried Samuel eight years ago.

While the heartache is no longer so raw, we still miss him every day. I find myself catching glimpses of Caleb and Nathan playing together and I can picture him in the middle of the mix. Those thoughts make me smile.

We trust and completely accept God's plan for our lives but today, I just want to stop and remember Samuel. I want to say his name out loud. It want to confirm his existence and the huge impact his short earthly life had on mine. I am grateful for the ways in which he changed me and I am looking forward to the day I will hold him in heaven.

I love you Samuel. xoxoxo - Mom

I can always find you here

2009-10-14T16:17:00.010-05:00

Every morning, you make your way out to the front porch, often a good 20 minutes before your bus if supposed to come and you set yourself down on the front stoop. Just sitting and thinking. Watching the morning go by. Sometimes you yell out to your friends from Old Post as they pass on their way to school. Sometimes you just sit. Rain or shine. Warm or cold. I can always find you here.

I watch you as you sit. Wanting to be respectful of your space - your silence, but also wanting to make sure I'm available if you need to talk or let your thoughts out. You are an introvert. My thinker. My feeler. Sometimes you are just being peaceful and enjoying the quiet. Other times, I feel your sadness - yearning for old friends - your old school. And other times still, you just seem to be contemplating some big important world problem or a conversation we had that morning.

Sweetheart, I just want you to know that I get your need for space. Room to think and breathe and feel and be. I also want you to know that we are here. You are on the cusp of a whirlwind of growth - emotional and physical. We are here to listen, to guide you and no matter what, to love you.

So for now, be quiet, be still, but always know, you are never alone and you are always adored. But for goodness sakes, button up and put your hat on... :)

Little things matter...

2009-09-30T21:16:00.004-05:00

A great life is the sum total of all the worthwhile things you've been doing one by one. —RICHARD BACH

There is so much to do. So much to get done. My head is usually spinning in a million directions. But, a while ago, I promised myself I would try to focus on making sure that in small ways, each of my importants always knows how I feel about them.

So, every few days, I've been slipping a little note in his lunchbox. Today when he came home from school, he told me he had a GREAT day. When I asked why, he said, it was because I left him a surprise note that told him he was special and I loved him and I wished he could fathom how much. He said that note went right into his treasure box.

It does matter. It does. :)

Cloudy

2009-09-26T17:03:00.008-05:00

with a Chance of Meatballs.

Hence the umbrella. :)
What a great kid's movie. A really good story that was a perfect blend of imagination, silliness, adventure, relationships and the 3D was awesome.

Jump

2009-09-26T06:24:00.003-05:00

It costs $10 to get into the play area of the pumpkin patch

and an extra $2 to jump on the huge orange 'pumpkin pillow'

but if you just take one look at their faces

and see the joy that is written all over it

you would know, it was worth EVERY PENNY!

Masterpieces

2009-09-24T22:58:00.007-05:00

I am constantly amazed at how I continue to learn how little I really see or how my expectation or life experiences have shaped what I see and how I judge accordingly.

Aside from foggy mornings or evenings, I can honestly say, I have never SEEN light like this. And the old me would have thought photos shot in light like this were a failure. After all, isn't a great photo one in which everyone is in focus, wearing happy faces with rich, vibrant colors? What about the lens flare and the haze in these shots? Isn't it a mistake?

Well, if it is, then it is a happy, beautiful accident. This is exquisite light. The kind of light that has surrounded me all along but I have not seen, really seen, for all of my life. The softness, the haze. The way it captures my 10 year old, who I was just whining about growing up too fast, and instantly transforms his features in such a sweet softness that I can readily see the remnants of my sweet baby. The creamy skin. The pensive look. The gentle eyes. Those lips.

It's magical to me that at my age, I can continue to see things in a fresh, surprising way. I love the fact that God continues to open my eyes to new things to see and new ways to see them. This world and each one of us in it - masterpieces. His masterpieces.

The joy of window gels and more limbs....

2009-09-23T10:41:00.004-05:00

Caleb absolutely adores window gels. ADORES them. So does Carah. Or maybe she just adores them because everytime Caleb is picking out a few for himself, he makes sure to buy some for her too. (It is one of those rare times that he thinks of someone other than himself - so it says alot!)

Good cheap fun these window gels. He spends hours putting them on and taking them off and moving to the next window to begin the process again. It is only when he has ripped them to shreds and it is impossible to figure out any longer what those window gels were meant to be, that he loses interest.

When I was editing this photo, I noticed the LIMBS on this guy too. He looks like he is all arms and legs just like Nathan. Must be something in the water! Sigh!

I just adore the near reflection that you can see of Caleb in these shots and the light, well, it's just magical.

All limbs

2009-09-18T15:49:00.009-05:00

AKA - someone is growing up fast

I am taking a photography class on light (which is frying my brain - which is not hard to do) but our first assignment was to completely "blow out" the background and show just light and shadow and texture in our subject. All shot in manual. Huhhhh?!

Well the only cooperative model I currently have around this house is Nathan. He sits and he tries to be so patient while I fuss with him and fuss with my camera and fuss with him some more. (I love that about Nathan.)

This first shot was close to what I was supposed to capture but not quite. But this photo is special to me because when I look at it, all I see (behind big old mamma tears) is LIMBS....lots and lots of pre-adolescent boy limbs....those kind of limbs that undoubtedly mean that a young man is working his way out one long leg at a time. And my heart instantly zooms back to the Overland Park NICU 10 years ago - that teeny baby who looked like Rocky (all beat up and bruised) and fought like Rocky. It makes me gasp and I marvel at the miracle that has grown so big and so strong.

Photos have a way of being a reality check for me.

And because he is the cool kid he is, he sat some more and we were able to get this one which got a thumbs up from my teacher. Thank you Nathan for being so patient. Limbs and all. :)

Don't be fooled

2009-09-17T20:40:00.012-05:00

THIS...

IS NOT A SWEET INNOCENT LITTLE BOY ENJOYING A RIDE ON A SWING.
IT IS NOT...

What you are really looking at is the family dictator lecturing me on the proper way to swing two boys at the park at the same time while satisfactorily keeping both of their swings at the right speed and height, at all times.
After all, "Daddy can do it".
Hhmmmph.

AND
just when I've decided I've had ENOUGH of this dictator's reign and pull out Momma Kick A, he pulls out this face....
Hhmmmph.

Perhaps the one in our house with the least amount of control is really ME.....
One certainly wonders... :)

Hello, Fall

2009-09-14T15:52:00.012-05:00

If it smells like Fall
And it looks like Fall....

I guess it means that
IT IS FALL!
Even if the temps are in the high 80s. :) sigh..
We took a bike ride Downtown today and I was shocked by amount of trees that were turning and the leaves on the ground. How did this happen?
Not that it's all bad, I LOVE Fall but wow, it's September already.....

We had a good time at the park although Nathan really wasn't feeling too well. He was happy that he was FINALLY able to feed those darned ducks. We've been after them all summer. You can tell they are a bit afraid...makes me wonder who's made them that way. They really were only willing to get just close enough to grab a cracker and then move quickly away.

I just love this shot. This kid has great eyes. I am working really hard to learn to get good shots no matter the lighting. Which means shooting in full manual. Which means a HUGE learning curve for me. Which means my pea sized brain is ready to combust. This was bright mid-day sun. No shadows on his face, no dark eye sockets and nice skin tone. Got lucky :)

Doesn't this look like Nathan trying to impale himself on the spinning thing....Caleb made both of us want to do this very thing just a few times this weekend :) Sigh....that kid......

Just so you know...

2009-09-11T14:10:00.016-05:00

"YOU'RE OFF THE LIST!"

That's what he says all the time. Mostly to Daddy and Budgy and friends at school. Luckily for me, I don't hear it often.

I get it, though. Caleb needs power. Caleb needs to be in control. It's a Carter trait that extends back at least three generations... (are you kidding? I'm not taking any ownership of the need for control, tee hee) But, when you are the littlest person in the house and there is so much out of your control, you'll take back a small slice of it, any way you can get it.

For Caleb, preservation of control manifests itself in the form of THE LIST.

We've come to understand that it's some mysterious mental LIST that includes all the names of the people he either approves of or who haven't ticked him off in the last 20 minutes. How do we know? Because anytime you deny him a snack or tell him it's bedtime or insist that he needs to find his "lost" shoes himself or we don't turn on his TV show as quickly as he demands, he squishes up his face and with furrowed brows and a loud voice, declares, "That's it! You're off the LIST!"

Now what really happens when you're off the list? Who knows. None of us have experienced any harmful side effects. And quite frankly, it might be a reprieve from all his demands to be OFF THE LIST. But as this momma's luck would have it, I spend most of my time ON the LIST and the demands continue on..... :)

Well Caleb...we love you anyways...whether or not, at the moment, we are ON or OFF, the list. :)

ETA: tonight I had to give Caleb a haircut. He hates them! Seriously, hates them. So tonight for the first time in a long time... I'm OFF THE LIST. :(

9 pics on 09/09/09

2009-09-09T11:09:00.010-05:00

Just saying that makes me feeling lucky...09.09.09 :)

1. We went to the Brookfield Zoo on Saturday. The Dinosaur's Alive exhibit is leaving soon and instead of waiting too long, missing it and then whining about it, we decided to go. This is quite an accomplishment in our books. :)

2. & 3. The exhibit wasn't much but these signs just cracked me up. I need that last sign for my house for sure...boys are stinky :)

4. The Primate House was a big hit for us. Perhaps you might notice a family resemblance?

5. The boys - "Mom! He HIT me! He's looking at me! Stop touching me!"

6. Me - "Oh good lord, how did I get into this!?"

7. And of course, Daddy - "If only I had my comfy brown chair, this'd be PERFECT!" :)

8. & 9. September is a big month for birthdays in our family. On Monday, I decided to be daring and took the boys to Color Me Mine to make a little something special for a special someone. These kinds of trips can either be disasterous or fantastic fun....thankfully, the boys left their alter-ego gorilla brothers at the zoo and this one was fantastic fun :)

I hope you have a happy 09/09/09. Make it memorable. :)

Today

2009-09-07T18:51:00.002-05:00

This is what I choose to focus on.

The joy. The smiles. The gift of our children. All of them. Beautiful buttery light and the last days of summer.

Lessons learned from the butterflies

2009-09-03T17:31:00.015-05:00

One of the mornings while we were in St Louis, Sissy (our night owl) was having a difficult time waking up. I decided we needed to give her some quiet and was trying to figure out what to do with the boys so she could sleep. I remembered seeing a sign for a Butterfly House not far from where we were, so we decided to check it out.

Of course the boys fell in love with these.....

and these

and even these

YYYYUUUUUCKKKKK!
We finally got past these nasty bug cases and entered the butterfly room through two sets of sealed doors which they use to make sure none of the butterflies get out. Inside the second set of doors we found this

It was absolutely magical. Green plants everywhere. Gorgeous sunlight bathing everything in beautiful light and thousands of butterflies flitting around.

As I walked around soaking in the beauty and the magic of the butterflies, I found myself learning and reflecting on a few lessons too.
1.SHOOT FAST

It's hard to believe but there is actually something more difficult in this world to photograph than my crazy children. Butterflies. No sooner would I have my camera pointed at a beautiful specimen than it would dart away. They have a shorter attention span than Caleb. Yikes!

2.EMBRACE TODAY. LIFE IS SHORT

Inside the first set of sealed doors, there was a young girl working. She was there, not only to make sure the butterflies stayed inside, but to give us a bit of info of the things we would see and what we should and shouldn't do. She explained that we should do our best to avoid touching any of the butterflies. She went on to say that the life span of the butterflies in this house was an average of 2 weeks - yes, just 2 weeks. God created these insanely gorgeous, beautiful creatures to live a measly 2 weeks. She said that any contact with human skin would actually shorten their already miniscule life span.

My first feeling was sadness and pity for those butterflies. Two weeks is just not much time but as I watched the butterflies, they didn't seem to mind. They flitted from plant to plant and chased one another and seemed to be totally oblivious to their pending mortality.

They reminded me that I really don't know how long I'll be here either. It could be years but it could also be less than 2 weeks. I need to embrace today and enjoy what was right in front of me. I need to play more games of chase and soak in the sunlight and the joy and the beauty around me.

3. DON'T JUDGE A BUTTERFLY BY IT'S OUTSIDE WINGS

I saw these incredibly gorgeous, brilliant turquoise blue butterflies flying around. I kept telling Zach to keep an eye on them and help me find one who'd landed so I could take a picture of it. All through the house, I kept looking but couldn't seem to find any of those blue butterflies sitting still. Finally, one caught my eye as he landed on a leaf. Ah ha.... we figured it out.

The butterflies in this picture ARE the butterflies I was chasing. AMAZING BUT TRUE. Their seemingly boring brown outside wings hid all that magical blue inside.

How often do I judge a person by what I see on the outside? Not just their appearance but even their actions. How many of us hide our beauty to protect ourselves? How many people have a heart of gold but are reacting out of diappointment, frustration, anger or pain? Given the climate of our world today where all those negative emotions are as common as air, I need to remember that unless I really pay attention and look deeply inside, I might completely miss that person's real beauty. Their heart. Their soul. I might judge and dismiss someone who is absolutely worth a second look. I might miss the opportunity to help heal some of their hurt just by simply offering kindness and compassion.

Don't judge a butterfly by it's outside wings....

We left the butterfly house having a fantastic, surprising adventure. It is amazing that such a fragile thing as a butterfly could serve to teach such incredibly, powerful life lessons. Guess God knows what He's doing afterall.

two more

2009-08-25T16:28:00.011-05:00

cute pics of my boys that is. :)

First Day

2009-08-24T12:42:00.005-05:00

Today was the first day for 3 of my bambinos -

It was his first day of Pre-K. He is staying at LaPetite but moving up to Miss Sharon's class. Because she is working to get them ready for Kindergarten, the rules are a little stricter in her class and there is less babying. He's not too happy about it. The nice thing for him is that Miss Lisa is moving up with him (she always makes him feel safe and comfortable) AND 2 of his angels (Lexi Vick and Emily) are back from summer break.

It was his first day of 5th grade at St. Luke's. This will be his first full year there. He was mellow and calm and happy this morning. He said he was ready to see his friends and get started. When I picked him up at lunch time. He announced that he is one of 3 boys in his class. 3 boys - 11 girls. Good odds, daddy would say. I asked him how his day was and in usual Nathan fashion, he said "AWESOME!". Everyone needs a child like Nathan. :)

Today was her first day of her internship and her LAST semester of college! She was less than thrilled about the fact that (1) she will be working very hard for free (2) she actually had to pay money to be working very hard for free (3) she has to dress up for the job..... I keep telling her to keep the finish line in sight!

And just so that he's not forgotten, Zach seems to be adjusting really well to the dry heat of Arizona. He is impressing all of his superiors and settling in just fine.

All cracked up

2009-08-23T07:19:00.006-05:00

We sat together tonight eating pb&j for dinner. It was just one of those days. I asked you how school was and as usual you answered your simple, "Good". "Well, what did you do?", I asked. You replied that you played with your "angels". "Oh", I said. "Well, who are you angels this week?" "Emily" "Paige" and "Miss Lisa" you answered. "Well, what about Morgan? She's one of your angels." I asked. "No. Not anymore." you said. "Today we cracked up". - Thursday, August 20, 2009

Caleb, you crack me up.

TODAY'S LESSON

2009-08-21T15:32:00.011-05:00

If you don't like what you're seeing, change your perspective.

Last night, I was just finishing up work and Scott called me downstairs. "Come quick", he said. Not sure whether to be concerned or excited, I went quick. He took me outside and said, (yes, HE said), "Look at the lighting out here. Isn't it amazing?". First of all, I nearly peed my pants. My husband loves me so much that he is now looking for light and getting excited enough to call me to share it with him. And second of all, it was the most interesting, eerie, beautiful light I had ever seen. The sun was setting to my right; there were black storm clouds in front of me and bright blue blue sky to the right. That combination cast the most amazing light on the soccer team playing across the street. It was magical. After, I gathered myself (remember, my husband noticed this light - yes, that still gets me) and went to get my camera. The three shots above were all taken at the very same time. I just changed my perspective. The first was looking east where the big fat cumulus clouds were hanging out in a bright blue sky. The second shot was straight in front of me where the storm cloud was trying to figure out what to do next and to my right, the big warm summer sun was setting through the trees in a spectacular way.

I went back in after soaking in the moment and thought about the life lesson God was sharing with me. It's all about focus and perspective isn't it? You see, so often, I stare straight ahead. I see those storm clouds brewing in the distance. I fuss and complain because I don't like rain or want another storm. I fret about what we will do if it floods or the winds break something or worse yet, lightning strikes. BUT! If I would just move my head and look to my left or right, I would see gorgeous blue skies or the miracle of God's sunset. I would bask in warmth and goodness and beauty rather than gloom and dread.

I am grateful for God's lessons (those gentle reminders that He whispers into my soul through the majesty of His creation). Truth be told, I needed it. I get so consumed by work and the things that I'm not getting to do, that I often lose sight of the beauty and blessings on either side of me. What an important reminder to stop for a moment and change my perspective. The good on either side of me is more real and tangible that the possibility of that storm up ahead.

Remember, Laura. Look up AND look around!

Chicago

2009-08-14T16:37:00.007-05:00

Zach and I hopped on the Metra on Wednesday morning to head Downtown. It is the first time I've been on the Metra from Oswego to Downtown. It's about an hour trip but so much better than fighting crazy city traffic and drivers.

Zach's only goal for the trip was to walk around downtown and hang out. OK, I can do that. :)
We started out at Union Station and walked to Millenium Park. It was a bright bright hot Chicago day and of all my shots of the "Bean", this is my favorite. I love Zach's reflection and what it says about what we see inside of ourselves. Cool, no?

Then we headed down Michigan Avenue.

They had these amazing sculptures outside of the Tribune Building. This one was at least 20 feet tall (looks to me like they might be discussing medical billing..what d'ya think?)

And this was another sculpture

On our way down Michigan, it was so warm, this water looked inviting. Do you think Chicago water is really this blue? Neither do I. :)

We had lunch at the Cheese Cake Factory in the John Hancock building and then hunted down one of Zach's favorite stores.

We headed back down State Street for about a million miles ;) to Union Station and a long but relaxing Metra ride home. We hardly spent any money (just the train ride and some lunch) but it was one of the best cheap adventures ever. I sincerely enjoyed my day with him.

He's struggling a bit too

2009-08-13T19:56:00.009-05:00

There has always been a special relationship between the two of them. Zach has been there since his beginning. He changed plenty of dirty diapers. He let him rip his room apart. He built him oodles of Lego towers only to have him knock them straight over. He could often be found sleeping in bed with him because he woke up with a bad dream and sought out his big brother. They have a bond.

During this visit, that bond was rekindled in a big way. Zach understands him. They are so much the same (big hearts, gentle spirits). Nathan adores him. He is who he looks up to. They played together - worked out and ran together - they were just great together. Today was a hard day for Nathan too.

BROTHERS...It starts out like this

Then leads to this

And to get some leverage, he does this

But in the end, it's really all about this

How lucky they are to have one another and how blessed am I to call them mine. :)

Struggling a bit

2009-08-13T13:33:00.004-05:00

It has been a bit of a hard day for me. One of my favorite people left. He was such a pleasure to have home for the last 3 weeks. He, Nathan and I are like 3 peas in a pod and it was just special to be able to connect and bask in his company for a time. EVEN though I know this is all part of his journey and I am so proud of the man he is becoming, my heart is just a little broken. sigh...

He is just so handsome, isn't he????

I am so glad I ditched work yesterday and spent the day with him. We took the Metra to Downtown and walked and talked - just him and I. I LOVE YOU, ZACH.

going back in time...

2009-08-11T15:04:00.008-05:00

I have so much to catch up since Zach has been here. We really have been busy with a trip to St. Louis to hang out with Sissy, bike rides, hikes, Starved Rock, shopping and a trip to Lego Land. It has been my goal this summer to really be present with the boys and these 3 weeks we have with Zach. I am proud of myself for how much fun we have had together but honestly all I've been able to stay on top of is the boys, work, and well, that's about it....

do you think Albert Einstein likes having little boys poke him in the eye or scraping his tongue?

Downtown Chicago in legos.... the buildings light up and everything..so cool

Wouldn't you like to hide in the cape of a superhero some days?

The boys asked Zach to build them a boat out of these giant legos. Of course, they started out helping but run away to play and left him to finish. He did a good job - I think he'll always be an architect at heart :)

Here's what they did while he built

What a fun place it was! The Lego creatures were incredible and we also saw 2 4D movies about Bob the Builder and the spooky ghosts. A definite Chicago must do. :)

Because

2009-08-10T11:00:00.009-05:00

photos cause me to fall in love with them over and over again.

Because photos capture them right now in a way that will always help me remember - I am "bottling their youth" so I can open it up and enjoy it's fragrance even after these days are long gone.

Because they remind me to be present and make me grateful when I can see that I am.

Because there is SO VERY much goodness in our lives and having visual reminders always helps me, especially on challenging days.

Because I've been taking pictures in my head all of my life - it's just that now I have a sweet camera instead of my deteriorating brain :)

My incredible husband gave me my first "real" camera all those years ago. Little did he know what a gift it would be. :)

All these photos were taken yesterday on our visit to Starved Rock State Park. We hiked, fished (more correctly, we played with worms), ate a yummy picnic lunch, had an impromptu "team building session" on a log across a creek, melted in the heat but above all else, we spent some fun time together as a family. :)

Just so it's documented, this is just one set of the MULTIPLE sets of stairs we climbed to get to the top of Starved Rock. It was 93 degrees with 89% humidity. Everyone was allowed to complain just once about the heat - we all did.....

My son...

2009-08-06T11:01:00.004-05:00

It has sincerely been a pleasure to have him home for the past 2 weeks. He is more like himself again - settled, confident, easy to be with and fun. The little guys are enjoying him IMMENSELY. He is such a good big brother. He is patient with Caleb and he and Nathan are best buds. As a mom, there is nothing sweeter than to see your child doing well and your favorite people loving one another. I will always be grateful to God for this path and His faithfulness to our son. AND to the US Air Force. They have given him a purpose and pride and have helped him to realize and embrace all that he has inside.

Weekend favorites

2009-07-21T13:00:00.000-05:00

JUST GIVE THE BOY A SWING

AND A DIRT PILE

AND HE IS HAPPY AS A CLAM. :)

I think this shot takes my breath away because it is the embodiment of him right now. Scab on his elbow and Scooby Doo band-aid on his ankle to cover all the bruises of a summer of fun. Cute cute sneakers that took me forever to get him to put on and now he absolutely adores. Blue jean shorts from the Children's Place - his standard uniform because they are the only ones with an elastic waistband to pull tight enough for his tiny frame. A fist full of dirt. Caleb at 4.

I'll take more of this :)

2009-07-21T11:26:00.003-05:00

It was a GOOD day. For the first time, in as long as I can remember, we both vowed NOT to work. We went to Willow and heard an inspiring message from Andy Stanley on Phillipians 2:3-5. We surprised the boys with lunch at the Rain Forest Cafe at Woodfield. Caleb SQUEALED and set off running when he realized where we were going. Lunch was just ok, although expensive, but sitting next to the fish tank made it all worthwhile. A new snow globe for Caleb and Sponge Bob legos for the boys from the Lego store (I know, I'm weak). A nap and some downtime. And all good days need an adventure so we headed out to find the park in Yorkville with a Zip Line. We found it and found ourselves at the park nearly alone. The zip line was such fun. Daddy gave us a spinning fast start and we whipped down the line to bounced back from the other end. Caleb and I rode together and giggled ourselves silly. Nathan rode until Daddy was exhausted. We tried to play tag but Nathan cheats :) Chinese Take Out for dinner. What a good day. We definitely need more of these....

the sign of a good day

2009-07-20T12:59:00.007-05:00

it is indeed a good day when you find the time to search for a bunny hidden in the clouds.... :) He looks like the creamy white chocolate kind...no?

Real quick

2009-07-19T16:07:00.005-05:00

It's amazing how productive I can become when I know I have just a few hours. No fussing. No dillydallying. Just pictures, paper, and a few important things to say.

My favorite time of day

2009-07-16T21:56:00.006-05:00

it could be the peaceful silence that envelopes me making it the only time of day I can hear myself breath and think
it could be the gorgeous light that floods through the windows in the kitchen and family room blanketing everything in it's warmth and brightness

it could be the promise and hope that today will be a good day and after a solid night's sleep, optimism has found new life
it could be a fresh opportunity to get it right
it could be the simple fact that God made me a morning girl
it could be

he sincerely is...

2009-07-15T21:02:00.008-05:00

So much of my story telling and ranting here is devoted to Caleb. Yes, he's small and cute and full of mischief. He sends me over the edge on some of my best days. But in the course of those trials and tribulations with Caleb, I never want to overlook the sweet son who is so easy to get along with who often takes a back seat to the attention-demanding, trouble-getting-into, crackin-us-up hysterically Caleb.

Last week, I had the chance to get away with Nathan, just he and I. We went to Six Flags Great America for a roller coaster riding adventure. It's a two hour drive each way and then we spent over 8 hours in the park. One of the things that struck me over and over again that day, was purely and simply, Nathan is just so very easy to be with. He is a quiet when he has nothing important to say. He has a calm presence about him that is relaxing. He is sincerely funny and witty. He is kind and caring and takes into consideration how to make the day fun for everyone, not just himself. He is interesting and thoughtful and creative and well, you get it...he's just so easy to be with.

I absolutely love and adore Nathan and I sincerely appreciate how easy he is to hang out with (even if this is just a fleeting phase). He is an incredible blessing to me. He allows me to relax and breathe, to enjoy myself without giving thought to what antic or tantrum I'm going to have to deal with next. That is truly a gift.

Thank you Nathan.

ride. ride. ride. would you let "him" ride.

2009-07-14T17:43:00.012-05:00

Got that song in my head.
Look at this little guy go.
You can absolutely NOT make Caleb do anything he doesn't want to do.
Nathan had SUCH a difficult time learning to ride a two wheeler (he was actually 9 when he finally got it). It left a mark on me.
So when Caleb (who never does anything he doesn't want to do) said he wanted to ride a two wheeler, we got RIGHT on that.
Picked this little cute thing up at Toys R Us. An hour later, he was cruising around the circle across the street.
Amazing.

He totally WAS NOT into letting me take photos, however.

Yes...they STILL call it the streak

2009-07-14T16:05:00.009-05:00

Can you just see the mischief in these eyes?

We were out in the backyard on Saturday afternoon "beachin" (not to be confused with bit..in - which is the other thing Caleb does). I turned my back for a minute and this is what happened....
I SWEAR, he does own swim trunks....he does!!!

And this is Nathan's response to the whole incident....can you blame him??? :)

yes. I am well aware, WE ARE IN TROUBLE!

And just so you know...we do buy our boys clothes ;) Nathan can attest to that.

This is what our summer looks like

2009-07-10T09:39:00.003-05:00

one of our favorite things this summer has been long bike rides to the park in Downtown Oswego. We play a bit at the park, throw stones in the river, feed ducks (or at least hope for them to show up) and ocassionally get ice cream at the Dairi Hut.

This past Sunday, we were gone for over 3 hours riding from one park to the next and playing along the way. This is one of my favorite ways to spend the day with the two of you. IAYB.

Boys...

2009-07-10T06:08:00.007-05:00

...on the 4th.

It is probably the one thing I miss about Missouri. Legal firework fun. I can't believe I just said that - me, the mom who's worked for 2 Plastic Surgeons and can run down the list of all the bad things that can happen thanks to firework play. (that is actually a joke in our house - my hyper concern about that stuff). But, in Missouri, fireworks are legal and we developed a tradition of giving ourselves a budget of about $200 (alot of money for us), making the trip to the Firework Store and each of us picking out our favorites. Scott and Zach always wanted the BIG, LOUD stuff;Carah usually went for the BIG, PRETTY stuff; Nathan was so little he was afraid of it all and I just liked the Pooping Turtles. Then on the 4th, we'd gather in the front on the cul de sac and the fun began. We were able to put on fire work displays which rivaled some of the small shows around here and tt was dangerous, good, safe (thanks to Daddy) fun.

Flip forward to Chicago and we find that not only are fireworks not legal but the Oswego Police are on a mission to ding you for illegal fireworks (not a bad thing according to that hyper concerned mom in me). Well, mix that with a superbly raining 4th and what we ended up with were a few smoke bombs, party poppers, snaps and some sparklers. No matter though, in true boy fashion, my boys made the best of it. We had enough smoke to kill a man in our backyard and party popper/snaps mess all over the place. It's all about the male bonding :) so it was well worth it.

Luckily, the rain did let up so that we could watch fireworks from a couple of different places (including a neighbor, who managed to dodge the Police) from our front yard and everyone, except Gracie (but that's a story for another day) not only, had a good day but managed to stay out of the E/R.

It felt good

2009-07-10T05:56:00.005-05:00

It has been a good six weeks since I've done anything creative besides playing with photography (not that, that's bad of course) but last Friday, the boys gave me a few hours in my Art Room uninterrupted. I actually had to force myself to go in there. For me it's so true that if I don't create a bit each day, that part of me begins to shut itself off and become blocked. But once I pushed myself through the door, the flood gates opened. These three pages came together in just a few hours - that's unheard of for me. And I used just what was in my Art Room collecting dust these past years (that felt good too). But most importantly, the desire to create...it's back! :)

These will probably go down as some of my favorite shots of Caleb. His unique personality and sense of style are "front and center".

This one has been sitting on my desk since before Amy Jo visited...yikes!

It is just one of those things that my honey started which I found frustrating at first but we've all embraced and now give him back in spades. It's a family "quirk" that I want to remember.

My Birthday Boy

2009-07-01T12:41:00.004-05:00

The love of my life
The best daddy I know
The one who inspires me to be better
But stands behind me when I fall
My biggest fan and encourager
The laughter in my life
My very very best friend
...turned 40 today. Happy Birthday Babe!
I ADORE YOU!

Photo Essay - Take 2

2009-07-01T10:50:00.007-05:00

OK, for my last photography assignment, I REALLY wanted to challenge myself to actually SAY something with my photo essay. And while, I'm really happy with the photos of Nathan and Caleb reading (it's such a tender moment between them), I was working on some pictures of Caleb holding hands with important people in his life and just wasn't sure I'd make the assignment deadline. Well, he cooperated and I did it. Aside from the fact that Zach is missing as am I from the photos, this is what I really wanted my assignment to be. I get a BIG old lump in my throat when I look at these pictures and know the relationship that he has with each "hand". The center bottom photo is especially meaningful to me (and was the hardest to shoot). It is Caleb standing at Samuel's memorial in our backyard. This summer, I've found him there often, just leaning up against it thinking. I can't help but think about the relationship those two would have if Samuel were with us (would Samuel reign him in or would he be mischievious alongside Caleb?). Sigh.

I am sincerely grateful for this photography class. It has opened my eyes and heart to not only developing better photography skills but what it is that I am saying with my photos.

Bathtime Ballet

2009-06-30T22:19:00.004-05:00

Everyone needs a little culture in their life, no? :)

Darned, I wish I hadn't chopped off those cute lil piggies and check out those calves!!!

READ TO ME

2009-06-29T16:06:00.003-05:00

This is my last assignment for my photography class. I am so very sad to see it end but it has been a fantastic adventure - I've learned so much and really stretched my technical and creative photography muscles :)

We had to compose a photo essay. I tried several different themes - bathtime, TKD for Nathan but then last night, I found Nathan reading to Caleb before bedtime. The light in his room was still good and they were mostly oblivious to me. This is their unstaged relationship. I don't think Caleb will ever truly have an appreciation for what a kind, loving big brother Nathan is to him. Caleb is a really lucky little boy and in return, Nathan is a better person for having Caleb as his little brother. Being a big brother has added another beautiful dimension to who Nathan is.

HELLO, my name's not Grace

2009-06-25T10:36:00.003-05:00

Poor Nathan. You take after me buddy. And not in a good way. I'm sorry. Despite the years of ballet lessons, I have NO grace. Zip. Nada. Zilch. None. I am clumsy. And despite being fully grown (and then some) my body is often still ackward to me. I bruise OFTEN and easily. I fall at the most inconvenient times (like Grandma's funeral service at church). I hoped that I could keep this defect to myself. But sadly, I passed it on to you. Sorry baby.

You trip over anything. Everything. Even nothing at all. This summer you are bearing the marks to prove it. When you fall, we look at each other, brush it off, smile and say "Hello - My name's not Grace".

Prairie Fest at Night

2009-06-25T07:09:00.006-05:00

Fogh who? ...I'm the one who looked at the Prairie Fest schedule - just to check out who was playing, the times for cheaper rides. You know the deal, right? Well, I saw that Foghat was playing. So what, I thought. Didn't mention it to Scott. What does he care about Foghat right? Well, I was W-R-O-N-G-G-G! He about wet himself when he found out that they were playing right in his "back yard" on Saturday night. So, thankfully Sissy kidsat for us and the Boss and I dragged ourselves back to Prairie Fest along with a BUNCH of other "near geriatrics" to watch Foghat. Disinterested at best (don't tell him I said that), I took along my camera and decided it was time to overcome my problems with night shots. After leaving the "near geriatrics", most of whom were sportin' mullets or ponytails, I wondered into "hormone heaven". The amount of teenagers in the ride section of the park was overwhelming - raging hormones on a hot summer night....nice. Glad the boys were back home in bed. :) It was, however, a great opportunity to play with some of the settings on my camera AND the bonus was,it got me out of listening to Fogh who...!

This is fog who....Scott was teasing that they were on pure oxygen by the end of the show.

I love the orange glow of these nightime shots. I shot them wide open at 1600 ISO and no flash.

And this is the first time, we went to Prairie Fest and didn't partake in one of these...

Prairie Fest

2009-06-23T22:12:00.009-05:00

It is Oswego's version of a fair.
In the end, it is very expensive, HOT, HOT, HOT fun. In an effort to avoid the insane crowds, we opted for Saturday afternoon. At 90 something degrees, it was just too hot. Within minutes our pasty white faces were ruby red. :)

The exotic animal petting zoo.

Can you imagine what a photo of Sissy would be without seeing her tongue?

The carnie working this ride was putting the moves on my daughter....he was asking for trouble!

That blue slide really shows off Caleb's flaming red cheeks. It was HOT!

He is the epitome of a GREAT big brother.

Roller Coaster madness :) How cute are they? Check out the little brother and sister behind the boys. So CUTE! Last year, Caleb wouldn't have touched a ride like this. This year, without hesitation, he took Budgie's hand and on he went. His expressions throughout the ride were hysterical.

Despite the heat and the outrageous price for a roller coaster ride, I'm sure we'll be back next year. It's just too fun to pass up!

At the car wash :)

2009-06-23T20:03:00.004-05:00

Just a reminder that the everyday moments, the most usual of places can become incredible opportunities to catch a few candid memories. It was 94 degrees in the shade. We were all red faced and tired from the Prairie Fest but with slurpies in hand, we hung out waiting at the car wash....

Peonies

2009-06-23T19:48:00.006-05:00

We were in Meier's this past Saturday grocery shopping when my eyes spied these beautiful bunches of peonies. Instantly, I was back on our house on Garlow Drive. It was a tiny little ranch with a gravel driveway that sloped fairly steeply to the garage, backyard and big creek and woods behind it. At the end of the gravel driveway, acting as the divider between the driveway and the steep drop off of the woods, my dad had planted a long row of peonies. I remember them being pink and white. I remember that they didn't bloom often but when they did, that row of plants was just a sea of those poofy flowers. I remember that the flowers were so heavy when they opened that they made the stems of the plant bend over like an inverted umbrella. I also remember the incredible amount of ants that were attracted to the peony flowers - they fascinated and freaked me out. I remember my Dad's Volkswagon Beetle parked right in front of that row of peonies and I remember him out there every weekend, washing his Beetle and Mom's station wagon. I miss my Dad. I missed him this Father's Day. I miss him everyday but I am grateful for bunches of pink peonies that I can take home to remind me of him. Thankfully this bunch has no ants. :)

Frustrated

2009-06-16T14:44:00.004-05:00

This is how I know I've worn out my photography welcome! I was trying so hard to capture something with buttery warm morning light for my photography assignment this week. He quickly went from a smile to a frown to hiding his face to SERIOUS frustration. I still love this shot. I love the clarity in his eyes, the textures of light, the creamy skin and pink lips (GOSH, what I wouldn't give for that creamy skin), the furrow in brow, the freckle on his right ear....hmmm hmmm..mm. I could just eat that frustrated little boy right up :)

These were shot before he HAD IT!

A good decision

2009-06-12T21:13:00.013-05:00

There was so much to do today. So much work. So many personal chores. But he was home today and his friends were busy. Next week, he has camp and more camps the week after that. So today, I chose him.

We left at lunch time and rode our bikes to downtown Oswego. It's a long gorgeous ride along the river. He packed us PB&Js (mine crunchy, his not) and cheesy pretzels. We sat by the river and ate under a tree. He skipped stones and threw big sticks. I fooled around with my camera and breathed in fresh air. We went to the Bike Shop. He got a new bike seat with loads of padding. I got a basket put on mine to carry future bike riding lunches. While we waited, we walked down to the Dairy Hut and had cones (his - a twist, mine - straight up vanilla). We picked up our bikes and rode the long ride home.

A 2 hour lunch with my 10 year old son. One of the best decisions I've made in a long time. :)

Another time

2009-06-11T11:49:00.011-05:00

when someone else said it so much better

This came from Jesh DeRox's blog and says so poignantly what I've been thinking about alot lately -

"If someone has been a friend to you.....a good one, a real one, someone who has given you something that no one else ever exactly has,,,

then be slow to give up on them, find it in your heart to see them with patience.

if they are quiet, seem to be acting differently than you've come to expect or maybe not giving at the level you are used to, perhaps they are in hibernation, playing dead in an attempt to survive a pain or a difficulty stronger than they know how to handle gracefully.
be slow to believe the worst; assumption is a ruinous and untrustworthy advisor.

the surface of something is most always the smallest percentage of it. look at how much of what is vital about you exists beneath your skin.

things are rarely as they appear, and when you judge something before its time, you separate yourself from much worth experiencing - like biting into and spitting out a sour apple, weeks before it is ripe.

the butcher's knife of condemnation is good for little but making bloody messes.

sometimes people need room to grow. what benefit is it to you to hold other people to your measurements? perhaps they travel in a different direction than you have been, are dealing with a terrain that has different challenges than your own, and at a different speed. there is no way for you to know for sure.

even if an assumption is popular, it doesn't make it true. a thousand people staring at the surface will see no deeper than one, and lend no more credence. watch for the tendency for your fears to give such shallow perception non-existent weight.

in this world of flux and flex, an open heart and a ready shoulder are often the best gift you can give to a friend who's going through a rough time. and, those being offered, a peaceful space - so they can find their way through their mazes at their own pace.

good friends are worth the wait.

remember we often receive in relation to what we have given; you never know when it may be your turn to face the lonely mountain passes. believe me, they are more easily overcome with the help of good friends."

If I could just get that zoom right, this would be a pretty cool photo. :) Silly boy!

Saturated

2009-06-10T09:42:00.003-05:00

Today I am feeling saturated - soaked, dripping wet. Saturated with the things to do and the things that still need to be done. Saturated with blessings that I am trying so hard to keep my focus on while all the craziness swirls around me. Saturated with all that I want to learn and see and do and try and be and feeling there will NEVER be enough days to experience it all. Saturated with gratitude that I EVEN get to make these choices to learn and grow and see and do and be. Like these flowers, I am trying my best to soak it all in. :)

A few more from the park

2009-06-08T20:20:00.003-05:00

Meet Gracie - Nathan's birthday present. She's a cute 6 year old Shitzu but in true Carter dog fashion - she's come with a HUGE load of baggage. She's a Puppy Mill Rescue and we certainly have out hands full of residual issues. Nathan loves her and we're working on it. Sigh....

Emotion

2009-06-08T06:12:00.005-05:00

This was my photography assignment last week which depicted EMOTION. Caleb is always crazy silly but Carah never willingly lets me photograph her. I get the hand or 'worse'. But this time, I caught them from a distance on the jungle gym simply enjoying each other and being silly. I love this shot of their relationship :) In the words of Karen Russell (photographer/artist/teacher extraordinaire) "while not technically perfect, it is emotionally perfect to me". That is a happy thing.

I'm also practicing black/white conversions. I think they're getting better. :)

A new look

2009-06-07T22:34:00.007-05:00

Since my focus is really on telling our story in pictures, I have changed things up a bit to really highlight the photos. I like being able to see my favorite people, bigger and better :) smile!!!!

These are just a few from our trip to the park in downtown Oswego this weekend. Nathan, Caleb, the dog (yes, the dog) and I rode our bikes downtown from the house - it's a NICE LONG ride and Daddy met us there with fishing gear. Gracie rode in the "buggy" with Caleb and did great - although she was scared to death. The ducks were the highlight for Caleb and Nathan met up with Brandon and Jordan from T-Force for a fun game of tag. It was a great, dirty, sweaty adventure. :)

I absolutely love this dirty faced smile

I think I just proved to myself that you can get good fast focus with a Canon. In the end, it appears to be me....not the camera. :)

DUCKS!!!!

Every boy...

2009-06-06T06:51:00.004-05:00

who loves to read books

needs a dog, who loves to listen :)

Are you smarter than a 5th grader....

2009-06-03T16:33:00.007-05:00

We're about to find out!!!

Nathan's last day of school was today. Bring on the summer fun! :)

We are especially proud of him this year as he successfully transitioned to a new school. At the Awards Presentation today, he was voted one of three of the nicest students in the school. How cool is that? He's worked so hard to bring his learning standards up to those of the new school. It hasn't been an easy year but he definitely rose to the challenge.

He is such an easy kid - so low maintenance, so happy and full of fun. Thank goodness for the balance he brings to this family (not mentioning names of course....). Alright then, bring it on, 5th grader. :)

Photo update

2009-06-02T16:45:00.000-05:00

Just because.....

More fishing photos

2009-06-01T18:50:00.013-05:00

Seriously, who knew that $12.99 at Meier would be some of the best money we ever spent? The last time we grocery shopped there, I decided to pick up two kid's fishing poles for the boys - Nathan's is Batman and Caleb's is Cars. Super cheap. I thought we could fool around at the little lake by the park near home and once we got the hang of it, we could do some real fishing. The boys were so excited and kept bugging us to go. We finally headed there on Saturday night, Daddy, dog and boys in tow. We had such an incredible time!! It is a good reminder that we don't need expensive toys or trips but it's really just the time we spend playing together that makes some of the best memories.

Well, on second thought, it's all fun and games, until someone puts an eye out. :)

Oh, if only :)........

!!!! I !!!!! took this photo :)

2009-05-31T11:07:00.002-05:00

We went to the little lake by the house with our new fishing poles last night. The boys had an incredible time practicing their casts and I got to play with my camera and the light. It was pure magic to capture this! There are times when I am so frustrated that my skills are not keeping up with my critical eye but every once in a while, magic happens, and it keeps you pressing forward. :)

Well said....

2009-05-27T08:41:00.006-05:00

I identify with this....completely.....

"the brightness of being alive. it finds me in unexpected moments of calm, when my heart takes refuge from the ever growing to-do list, when my perfectionism gives way to feeling, to release. and when it arrives, the brightness feels deeply spacious and warm, like an intertwining celebration of all things brave in love. sometimes, i’ll admit, my mind cautions my heart not to trust the abundance...young memories of tragedy and loss can be hard to shake, i suppose. it can all be gone in a split second, the memory warns. it’s a warning that challenges me to feel disconnected from the present moment - the one that’s calling me to step in, stay awhile, and celebrate. we all have memories and life filters that haunt us, that creep in and try to steal the show even when we’ve done all the soul work to repair and heal. but i deeply believe that in our best moments, we can understand that our vulnerabilities are what connect us, that we can step into the power that is uniquely ours, play hard, love bravely, offer comfort to our younger, broken selves, and soar, always soar on the brightness of being alive." -Kelly Rae Roberts

You can find her incredible words here - http://www.kellyraeroberts.blogspot.com/

Can you tell he's now 10??? :)

A photo filled weekend

2009-05-25T16:56:00.005-05:00

One of the good things about taking a photography class (besides the learning) is that the camera becomes my constant companion and sometimes, I'm lucky enough to catch shots like these :) Caleb actually dressed himself like this and wore that "bedazzled" headband all day. He cracks me up! We are working on composition in our photography this week - I got so many good shots but just need to get time to edit them all.

We went to the zoo today (freebie one by home) and took a "death march" hike yesterday. I love being outside when the sun is shining and the thermometer reads 70 ish.

Favorites of the Day

2009-05-20T09:08:00.007-05:00

I end up taking tons of birthday photos...tons...and I never seem to scrap them. And he has round 2 of birthday fun on Friday, that means more birthday photos..... And as it turns out, my favorites of the day, have little to do with birthday.....

It was a fun day! He celebrated with us in the morning, with friends at school, with dinner at Red Robin and with friends at TKD. He's such a great kid, he really deserves a fun day. :)

A Decade

2009-05-19T11:38:00.005-05:00

This boy... this handsome, kind, sensitive, intelligent, sweet, funny, creative, determined, silly, strong kid is 10 years old today. A decade. A decade of enjoying every minute. A decade of making memories. A decade of overcoming obstacles and beating the odds. A decade of love. Nathan, Happy Birthday Sweetheart. God did a REALLY good job when He made you!!!!

He wears it well

2009-05-05T09:30:00.005-05:00

He is obsessed with my high heel shoes. Daddy is worried. I'm not. Afterall, who can pull off a Tapout shirt and the black heels as well as him. He also is obsessed with his beach coverup. This is how he dressed for school last week - mismatched crocs (on the wrong feet), jeans, t-shirt and the beach cover-up. And he wore it ALL DAY long. It's nice to see that he's comfortable in his own skin and sure of his sense of style. You, go, Caleb! :)

Days like this...

2009-04-29T20:18:00.005-05:00

I have been really struggling the past few days. It feels like the to do list that exists only in my brain, because I stink at list making on paper, is super huge and completely out of control. It is moving so quickly along the superhighway of my pea brain that I can barely read or remember what's on the list. Between work and home, I have finally reached that point where no matter how hard I try, I've realized and can admit (which I would never do) that I simply can not do all of it. So in honor of this emotion and state I'm in....a fitting photo. He expresses so well how I feel.

Favorites...

2009-04-21T17:45:00.006-05:00

some of my favorite photos from Easter and this past weekend.

I also struggle a bit on holidays. I grew up surrounded by family on birthdays and holidays - grandparents, aunts and uncles - lots of people squished in our tiny ranch. But it's what I knew and so each holiday when it's just us, I struggle being a bit sad. At least until I make up my mind that we are making memories and new traditions. I was a bit blue Easter morning but after going to church at Willow, we came home to find that the Easter Bunny did a bang up job with a super fun egg scavenger hunt. It started with an egg with a clue for Caleb in the family room and he and Nathan had to solve the clue to find the next egg. There were lots of clues and eggs which finally led them to their baskets. The boys had such fun!!!! Then we watched a movie while Caleb napped and when he got up, we headed to the downtown park. It was such a great idea. We all played and played and skipped stones and laughed and had a great time. It was really a fun day!!!

If you look closely at the 2nd to last photo, you'll see that Caleb is wearing my heels....tee hee.... white socks and all. That just had to be documented. :)

So there...

2009-04-14T15:43:00.005-05:00

When I finally committed to keep a blog, it was mostly to use it as a journal to capture my thoughts/memories before they were long gone. I don't expect anyone to read my blog but a very few friends and family but I knew that if I gave it a try it would pay off and it has :) I have been able to complete more scrapbooking layouts because, either the actual journaling or the basic thoughts, have already been written here. HOO-RAY for anything that makes life easier!!!

I love this page about Caleb and I really just cut and pasted the journaling from my blog entry on his birthday. I really wish I had done a layout like this for him and the rest of my brood each year. It's already fun to look back and remember the things he was into and how much he has already changed. Sigh......

I also have to admit, that although it was extremely painful (understanding my addiction to have the latest and greatest in scrapping supplies) to cancel my Studio Calico kit subscription, it was a good decision for now. It has pushed me, not only to use the volumes of STUFF I've accumulated, but it has helped me to be more creative. I am re-discovering papers and embellishments I've long forgotten. It feels so much more responsible to use what I have and contribute what I'm not spending to other good causes...... That doesn't mean it's not hard every month when I see the gorgeous kit SC is offering but so far, I've resisted temptation. One day at a time :)

I'm in the process of editing fun Easter photos - hopefully sometime this week I'll upload some of those.

Super Frog

2009-04-07T15:55:00.004-05:00

Finally finished this one laying on my desk for weeks :) Nathan drew that cute pic in the left hand corner - it's his portrait of Caleb as SuperFrog. He's got talent - that little boy :)

Daddy's home :)

2009-04-07T09:18:00.010-05:00

and we couldn't possibly be happier!!!!! It was an adventure getting him here - closed roads in Colorado, an incident with a snow bank, a 4 hour wait for a tow truck and then a much longer than anticipated trek home. But he's here!!!! Unfortunately he brought a whole suitcase full of germs with him (like we needed any more). He is sick as a dawg!!!! Drippy eyes, snotty nose, fever....NICE! Oh well, not the homecoming we anticipated but we are so happy he's safe and sound! :)

What the....

2009-04-01T22:50:00.004-05:00

He leaves for 6 days and the minute he walks out the door.... it happens. The last time it was the snow that lasted for days and the snow plow who took out our mailbox and the furnace that decided it was time to die.

This time it was a set of windows (newly fixed last year) that decided to let the pouring rain gush in and the billing software that decided yesterday that it no longer wanted to send electronic claims and the littlest who was diagnosed today with strep and a double ear infection (silly me thought it was just a lingering cold). And to top it off, that littlest stayed home from school today and RIPPED the house apart while I was trying to work and screamed at the top of his voice that he "needed his butt wiped" while I was on the phone with a patient question and ended his sick day by jumping up and down (Nathan will verify) on the table - yes, I said the table...... what the..........

It's all a blur

2009-03-30T20:20:00.009-05:00

It's hard to believe another week has come and gone. Busy busy busy...just running on the hamster wheel :)

:) We signed another client last week. That officially makes 6 and we possibly have another new one waiting in the wings. I am very very happy for the new business, especially in this economy but finding myself a tad (ok, more like alot) overwhelmed thinking through all of the new work and issues we have on the horizon.

:) Scott is getting a bit of an adventure. He so needs a good drive to refresh him. He's been putting in a ton of LONG days. He'll be traveling through Colorado, which is only one of his favorite places on earth. Too bad it's not all pleasure.... the new client is the destination. Bet he'll be bringing home real estate brochures..... sigh......

:( Poor Caleb is STILL fighting some sickness. Still running a low grade temp, stuffy nose, lack of appetite. Who at the age of 4 weighs 29 lbs - who? No fun. No fun. No fun.

:) Had all of these layouts laying all over my art desk in varying degrees of "doneness" for a few weeks. I snuck in bits and pieces of art time this weekend and things just came together easily. Maybe, I'm just letting go of the need for perfection on each layout and just trying to tell the story and enjoy the process. I did...enjoy the process that is :)

:) Carah is back at school safe and sound and nearing the home stretch. :( Unfortunately when she got back to her house, you had some uninvited guests.....dead baby mice....yuck. She's so brave....she cleaned them up (with a spatula - tee hee). I would've moved out.

:) Zach is getting closer to being an Air Force meteorologist. Gosh I can't imagine how hard that is. I talked to him last week. He seems happy and settled and that does my heart good. He ran 1 1/2 miles in 9 1/2 minutes - that's awesome. I remember when he was on the track team in middle school and barely could run that mile. ;)

:) 24 is on and it's "date time" with hubby.

Some extra estrogen in the house

2009-03-22T18:07:00.006-05:00

Carah was home for Spring Break the past 10 days and the extra estrogen was a really nice addition. She and I enjoyed our usual shopping trip for clothes, not once, but twice this time. We both hate clothes shopping passionately, mostly due to those hips and thighs (thanks alot GT!) that make shopping for jeans torturous but together we managed and we managed to laugh along the way. We found her some cute tops (as always), interview attire, VS undies, and even some spiffy glasses with Sissy attitude. :) We also put a dent in all the prizes and stuff she needed to do for her Up Til Dawn finale on Friday.

She cooked for us a couple of times. Super duper pretzel baked chickent tenders with oven baked potatoes and then maple chicken. It is such a treat for me to get a home cooked meal at someone else's hands. Thank you so much Sissy!!!!

She gave Honey and I a date night (we saw Confessions of a Shopaholic) and she took care of numerous baths and boy play time. We watched Grey's together instead of chatting during it via phone. And the chick flicks got dusted off and watched together. We went to lunch and we talked girl talk and she rolled her eyes at me lots ;)

I love her. I love having the extra girl power in the house. I love listening to all that's she's got going on and how she manages it all so well. I love that someone else in the world understands my emotions and my crazy sense of humor (yes, singing fish do it for me :) ), I love hugging her in the flesh even if it infringes on her "bubble". She is beautiful inside and out and she is already missed.

>note to self - teach those boys how to use your camera!!! :)

Our personal version of Ying/Yang

2009-03-18T18:11:00.004-05:00

He works on Math

while he works on his Clown skills

Enough said.... :)

When the little one is "pecking me to death"...

2009-03-13T09:08:00.005-05:00

he is my salve. I heard the expression once, "Having children is like being pecked to death by chickens". I giggled and then dismissed it...not my children! And quite honestly, I usually stick by the not my children thing but...there are days..... This morning was one of them.

It went something like this. The littlest was up at 5:15 a.m. because he decided the pumpkin light on the timer in his room scared him to death. (I think that was a ploy but that's a story for another day). Now, I admit to exaggerating for a laugh but I kid you not, this morning...from 5:15 a.m. to the time he left for school, 8:15 a.m., he was quite busy pecking me to death. Turn the TV on. I can't hear it. I don't want to watch THIS Tom and Jerry. Let me SCREAM at the top of my lungs when the whole house is asleep just for the heck of it. Let me SCREAM some more because you are upstairs waking up Budgy and I need my bum wiped. Let me fuss about my breakfast. Let me fuss about my sticky hands. Did I tell you I HATE this toothpaste, even though I insisted you buy it. And it went on and on and on. Anyways, you get the picture.

Now the part about Nathan. He is my salve. He is the calm serene happy little face that I focus on when I'm in the midst of this torture. He wakes up with a smile. He asks for little. He eats his breakfast happily and thanks me profusely for making it. He tells me he loves the drawings I leave in his lunchbox. He tells me he loves me over and over again. He just is EASY. Now mind you, I LOVE each and everyone of my kids. They are my greatest joy and blessing but this morning. I am especially grateful for him. Thank you Nathan. :)

Everyone needs their own personal SuperHero

2009-03-12T13:58:00.003-05:00

Meet Superfrog. I'm not sure what his superpowers are, other than streaking through our house at high rates of speed knocking over everything and everyone in his path but he certainly is cute. As an aside, the boy behind the "mask" decided he needed to be a superhero at pre-school today instead of his usual "princess" persona. Daddy breathed a deep deep sigh of relief! :)

Over and Over again :)

2009-03-10T10:55:00.002-05:00

This is what Caleb has been watching this morning AND in true Caleb fashion, over and over and over and over again. He is my art buddy. He loves to sort through my art drawers and play with stamps and ink. He loves paint, especially watercolors. Watching his fascination with this video leads me to wonder what is in his future? Will art be more than a hobby to him? Will he harness his creativity to make a living/make a life? What can I do to help him to feed his creative spirit? I want to help him dream and believe that it's all possible. Somewhere along the way, I embraced someone else's idea that it was impossible to make a living doing what I loved. I want to allow him to decide for himself.

Watch and enjoy :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qpunQZ4cUyI&eurl=http://mollyirwin.typepad.com/mollyirwin/2009/03/get-out-your-colors.html

Notice a theme here?

2009-02-26T13:38:00.004-06:00

Both photos taken this morning. Notice a theme? Not only will he climb on ABSOLUTELY anything and everything but he is constantly playing with things that are not meant to be toys. The spices in my spice rack - toys? Nope. The mini ladder from the basement used to escape in case a fire - toy? I think not. I'm not sure why he has any toys at all...... sigh.....

On another note, I heard thunder today. Loud booming thunder and then, a huge downpour of rain. Hoo-ray! Spring is on it's way!!!!

Scrapping madness :)

2009-02-25T16:33:00.005-06:00

It is always a good day when it involves a bit of paper and glue :)

Just thinking

2009-02-24T12:55:00.004-06:00

This is a verse that I read today that caused me to pause and think. God was speaking to Solomon after the building of the temple.

"If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land." 2 Chronicles 7:14

Seems to me that although these words were spoken several thousand years ago, they are very relevant today. Our land could certainly use healing. I am walking away thinking about my part in this verse. What things I need to confess, turn from and seek forgiveness for.

Today

2009-02-17T21:47:00.006-06:00

Today, I listened from the laundry room as my 3 boys played hide and go seek in the upstairs. The giggling. The fun. The love. My life is good.

Perhaps, not the best idea

2009-02-13T09:25:00.006-06:00

For your 4th birthday, we decided to go all out and get you a Power Wheels. We picked out this one which seems to be a combination of a golf cart and dump truck. It's pretty amazing but.... with 2 feet of snow outside on the week it arrived and Daddy gone for work, there was no driving to be done outside. Instead, I pushed all the furniture in the living room to the side and gave you the entire space to DRIVE. I had no idea how dangerous this would be. Dangerous to the house - just look at the chaos you created. Every stuffed animal and every toy you owned needed to go for a drive in the bed of the truck and it resulted in a HUGE mess of toys on the first floor of our house. And then there was poor Nathan... in order to get him in on the fun, you had him lay on the floor while you backed up and hit him - over and over again. ROAD KILL. You used your big brother, who adores you, as ROAD KILL. I'm not sure what life with you and your Power Wheels will hold once the weather warms up and we can go outside but quite honestly, I'm afraid...

Doing Well

2009-02-11T16:39:00.003-06:00

So far, so good. I guess that means we're in the "honeymoon stage". Nathan really likes his new school, has made some friends and usually comes bounding off the school bus with a big smile on his face. We are adapting to greater expectations and definitely more homework but for the first time I feel like we have a handle on what he knows and what he needs to work on, especially with Math. I continue to marvel at how flexible and resilient he is. He reminds me of a calm bubbling brook just moving smoothly along. I am grateful for the easyness and joy he adds to my life.

This is a page that I'll call scrap therapy. I've been working through some of my "stuff" and this photo just brought a flood of thoughts.

ch..ch...changes

2009-02-07T16:30:00.004-06:00

On Monday you were a 4th grade student at Old Post Elementary School by Friday you were experiencing your first day at St Luke's. In just one short week, you not only made the decision to change schools but you actually got started there. It's not something we haven't talked about. There have been some problems in the past 2 years at Old Post, mostly with the class size and teaching methods and Daddy and I have been wanting for you to go to a school whose core values more closely matched those of our family. As someone who really isn't a fan of change, to say I am impressed is an understatement. I want you to know, not only what a well thought out, mature decision I watched you make but how brave and adventurous you are. You have a realistic grasp on the the things (especially friends) you'll miss at Old Post, but you have easily been able to separate that from what you see as being best for your education and your future. Nathan, I'm sure during this transition, there will be good days and there will be tough days but we will walk through this together and I want you to know from the bottom of our hearts, we are proud of you!

I have my work cut out for me

2009-02-05T13:50:00.007-06:00

Last night was the 2nd night we sent to Caleb to bed without a pacifier. He's four - it's time and we told him that before his 4th birthday but have been lax about the follow through. Then he started pooping in his pants after months of perfect potty. We told him if he pooped in his pants again, the "cork" would go....you guessed, he did...it went. Scott put him to bed last night and when I went to check on him, I found his door locked. Not a good sign. I unlocked it and peeked in to find that he was sleeping peacefully with a cork in his mouth. Yup, he had a hidden cork, for parenting emergencies such as these. He's FOUR! I'm in trouble.

Connected

2009-01-31T15:30:00.004-06:00

I miss my Dad....plain and simple....

I love her anyways :)

2009-01-18T16:59:00.005-06:00

This is what she ALWAYS gives me when I try to get a picture of her. She's beautiful and I know she doesn't know it but I wish she did.

Happy Birthday Caleb!!!

2009-01-17T07:20:00.017-06:00

You are completely drawn in by the movie, the Nightmare Before Christmas. I still remember the first time you asked to watch it. I told you no because I thought it might be too scary. But you persisted until I gave in. I told you I'd watch it with you until you were afraid and then we'd put it away until you got older. I couldn't be more wrong. Not only were you not afraid but you instantly fell in love. Since that first time, we've actually watched that movie nearly every day and many days 2 or 3 times. I think one of best moments for you in Disney was finding the store in Hollywood Studio that was all about the movie. We walked away with 2 t-shirts, the characters and the movie on DVD.
You love to watch the music video, RockStar by Nickleback on Daddy's i-phone. You know lots of the words and even begun a form of "head bashing" dancing.
You are finally potty trained but still struggling to give up your "cork".
Froggy is still your absolute best friend. You actually have two froggies - twins, we call them, but you always chose the one with the "broken" tag. Froggy comforts you at school when you are making the transition from home or are scared. Both froggies are showing the signs of being loved for 4 years and you need both of them to sleep with at night. I don't dare think about what would happen if we lost either one of them.
You still are so skinny and really not interested much in food, unless of course, it is a "snack" or chocolate cow. Some of your favorites are butter sandwiches or even just a spoonful of butter, marshmallows, peanut butter and jelly, chocolate chip cookie dough, toast, eggs (thankfully), spaghetti and beef stroganoff. You like lots of fruit - pears and strawberries are your favorites. Mealtime is still a hassle and Daddy usually has to get involved to get you to eat something nutritious.
You love to paint and play with play doh but you still have a pretty short attention span so anytime we set up trains or your imaginext, you lose interest before we are done with the setup. That can be frustrating.
You don't really like being out in the cold. I call you my snow princess because when Daddy was gone and we had to shovel snow everyday, you sat in the garage crying, no- screaming, that you were cold and needed to go in the house for 45 minutes straight. You have no interest in playing in the snow.
You like to go to the zoo. You could watch alligators and crocodiles for a long time but you've adopted Nathan's love of penguins.
You like to read at bedtime and your favorite bedtime songs are Goodnight Sweet Caleb, Why Do Birds (Nathan's song), Twinkle Twinkle and I Had a Little Turtle Who Lived in a Box (from pre-school).
You changed daycare this year from Miss Joy's house to LaPetite. I was really worried about the transition because change is hard for you but it didn't take you long to like school. You love Miss Kristy and are learning to love Miss Karla.
At school, you like to play more with the girls than boys and call your 3 girl friends, your angels. Emily, Morgan and Leni.
You really don't like to talk on the phone and it is rare to get more than a hi and i loves you - bye out of you.
You call Nathan, Budgy, always. You really love him and he's incredibly good to you but you two have begun to have your moments of sibling bickering which usually leads to high pitched yelling and tears on your part.
You still are a morning person. It is typical for you to get up daily between 5 and 5:30 and it is absolutely rare for you to sleep past 6:30. You are usually sweet for 5 minutes when you wake up and then start bossing me around about what you want to watch on t.v., what you want to drink and what type of morning snack you'd like. Not so much into cuddling and sitting on my lap anymore.
You love collections of any kind - eyeball rings, chips or play money from one of our games, markers, band-aids, you name it. You love to find boxes and even purses to put your collections in to carry around. For the record, the purse thing makes Daddy crazy.
You are really a BOY! You love to jump or better yet, dive from piece of furniture to piece of furniture. You love to jump off the stairs. You will climb on virtually anything to reach whatever you want. You like to rough wrestle with Daddy and have developed your famous Ninja move.
You've made me laugh harder than I ever have. You've stretched my patience to it's breaking point. You've made huge messes and had gigantic fits. You've filled our hearts with love and have continued to bless our lives in immeasurable ways.

The Best Medicine

2009-01-13T19:27:00.004-06:00

Waiting Patiently

2009-01-13T19:20:00.002-06:00

Hanging tough

2009-01-04T08:39:00.002-06:00

For the past 3 years, I have prayed about and chosen a bible verse to help me to focus myself for the year. Those verses have encouraged me, comforted me and challenged me. This year, I have felt God calling me to this particular verse. It is one I memorized a few years ago and have always appreciated but I just feel strongly that this is the verse God is giving me to focus on this year.

Hebrews 12: 1-3 Therefore since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith who for the joy set before Him, endured the cross, scorning its shame and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider Him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

Last year was a very good year but none the less a difficult one; uncertainty in the economy, worries over our children, our business and the usual battle I fight with myself and my old patterns of thinking. I can already see the potential of this new verse to help me to fight the exhaustion I've been feeling and continue to press on in becoming the child of God I am intended to be.